Ha! Ha! Ha! Happy New Year!

(Illustration by Rod Cañalita)

I always like starting the year with jokes and laughter. Positive energy spreads fast and we can never get enough of good vibes!

Giselle Sanchez as the Salaminkera: “Pasensya na kayo at late ako. Kasi naman alam niyo naman ang Lola Salaminkera niyo, jet setter! Bawat bansa na napuntahan ko, iba’t-iba ang culture, tradition at rituals. But one thing is really common – pagdating ng season ng Christmas at New Year, everyone’s so busy! Pagpatak palang ng ‘Ber’ months, grabe na ang mga tao – shopping dito, shopping doon, sale doon, sale dito! Sino ba naman ang hindi matataranta? At tayong mga babae, shop till you drop talaga!
’Yung iba nga wala naman pera pero nag-sho-shopping. Ang tawag naman dun, shoplifting! Don’t do that ha, that’s bad!

“Tapos siyempre lahat ng kababaihan busy na din decorating their houses with lights, Christmas decor, pagpapa-bongga ng Christmas tree, gift wrapping. Makikita mo how us girls are great wrappers – tinalo pa nila si Eminem at Andrew E!

“Nakakaloka talaga! Pagdating pa mismo ng Christmas Eve, sila ang
nagluto, maghahanda, mag-aasikaso ng kanyang family: Anak, asawa, kapatid, kahit kapitbahay inaasikaso! Naha-haggard, chuma-chaka, nawawala sa sarili. Kung baga pagod na pagod! Ang tanong na lang is how will you handle and can you survive without being losyang and stay fit and pretty for 2014? Let me tell you one story… I saw this lady and mukha siyang pagod na pagod sa kaka-shopping, OMG! Sa sobrang pagod niya, nakatulog siya (sa jeep) and nakalabas ’yung dibdib niya! Luckily may mabait na guy na ginising siya: ‘Miss, Miss, ’yung dibdib mo nakalabas.’ She freaked out and shouted, ‘WAAAAAH!!! Nasaan ang baby ko? Nasaan ang baby ko?!’ She was breastfeeding her baby pala and she lost him!

“Ito pa, there was a bachelorette who likes to attend parties, puyat dito, puyat doon. One time, she attended this Christmas costume party, she dressed up as an elf, she wore a green outfit… and guess what? She won! Naloka lang siya when they announced, ‘And the winner is The Grinch!’ She cried out, ‘Hindi ako Grinch! Duwende ako, duwende!’ Sa sobrang hiya niya, lumipat siya ng party. Another costume party. This time, hindi siya nag-costume and she didn’t wear any makeup. OMG, she was so pale, parang labanos; halatang puyat lagi and kulang sa dugo. And guess what? She won again as best-looking snowman! Masakit dun, napagkamalan siyang lalake. Okay lang daw sana kung snowgirl, pero ’yung snowman? Grabe ’yun!

“There was this girl naman who went caroling: ‘Jengel bills jengel bills, jengel ol da weeee!’
Then lumabas ang maybahay and said, ‘Ang galeng naman magkanta nemu, anung pangalan mo?’
The girl said, ‘I’m Disi.’
Sabi ng maybahay, ‘Galeng mu Disi!’
Then she said, ‘No, no, no, I’m Disi!’ Biglang natumba ’yung babae.
Ah, DIZZY pala! Akala nung maybahay DAISY!”

Alam niyo girls, dapat lagi tayong focused sa lahat ng bagay, kasi it can save our lives… ’Yan ang epekto ’pag sobrang pagod ka… Hindi rason ang busy season at kahit ano pa mang okasyon para pabayaan ang sarili niyo.
I wish you all a happy Happy New Year!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Happy New Year!

Source: Mb.com.ph (December 31, 2013 at 10:00PM)

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